Specimen · catalogued monster

The Excel Poltergeist

The spreadsheet that secretly runs finance

It lives in the forty-third tab, rattling macros in the dark and rearranging formulas whenever someone sorts the wrong column. Finance has learned to leave it offerings at month end and never, ever to rename the file.

Symptoms

• Critical processes run on spreadsheets
• Macros, manual copy-paste and hard-coded links
• Versions emailed around as attachments
• No testing, access control or audit trail
• One cell error moves the official numbers

Overheard in the corridor

• “Don't touch that tab, it feeds the board pack.”
• “Which version is the latest one?”
• “It's only a spreadsheet, it'll be fine.”
• “Finance can't close the month without it.”